Diary Complaints
My wife keeps a diary, and sometimes leaves it open with the last entry in view on the coffee table. I'm a person who wouldn't want to read another person's diary, even my wife's, diaries being perso
Cruise Takes A Bruise
Viacom gave Tom Cruise the bruise of his career – or, more exactly, its cantankerous chairman, Sumner Redstone, did, for behavior unbecoming an employee of the entertainment giant, saying Cruise’s sh
Senate Offers Outlet For Bipartisan Feuding Will Install Boxing Ring
The Senate, recently more rancorous than usual in terms of bipartisan backbiting, decided to offer an outlet for the aggressive behavior by voting to install a boxing ring. In an effort to allow for
The Invention Of Sex An Eyewitness Account Part One of The Invention of Everything
An unexpected manuscript showed up in our inbox. We were immediately convinced of its authenticity and decided we had to share it with you. It was accompanied by the following note:
“Hi,
Don t Talk to Me About Life
Some say life is like a box of chocolates, because 'you never know what you're going to get'.
These people are idiots. Who the hell adopts a quote from a 'slow' movie character as their
Beginners Guide To The Internet
Recent studies have shown that there are now well over one hundred websites available on the computernet. This puts it second only to ceefax as a useful source of information. Monkey Empire has roun
Bathroom Palacial
I had to play a joke on the maid at a hotel where I was staying. You know that little paper wrapper they place over the toilet seat, that thin paper band that is supposed to convince you that the fac
Top 10 Hangover Cures
The morning after the night before. You wake up on the floor of your room in the same clothes you wore last night and you can still taste the remnants of the takeaway you devoured on the way home. Up
France and America Agree On An Issue Both Nations Declare National Holiday
Mark this date on your calendar: August 8, 2006. It was on this day that the rarest diplomatic event of modern times took place. France and America agreed on something, specifically, the wording of t
Depressed Rabbit Attempts Suicide
A male rabbit named Furball had lost all hope. The female rabbit he had lived with for an entire year had left him for another rabbit. The owner of the garden he usually dined at had just put a fence
Oui Monsieur The French Are Not Immune Si Signore Even The Pope Must Do The Rope A Dope
In a world caught up in effects, with scant attention being paid to causes, we find that France – which has, in the understatement of the current issue, abstained from a full-throttle commitment to t
Noam Chomsky Gets A Bestseller The Incriminating Way
Noam Chomsky, the innovative linguist on the left, went from the relatively placid life of a leading scholar to a major presentation by Hugo Chavez at the UN, who held up as recommended reading one o
How I Feel About Hippos
Hippos are GOOD because the full name, Hippopotamus, from the Greek, is also the proper name of the animals' genus. So if you get off your lazy ass and say the whole word, you'll sound
New Books About Science And Religion Same Old Arguments So Here s A New One
Once in a while, there’s a proliferation of new books about the junction or disjunction of science and religion. Here are seven new ones by people with distinguished scientific credentials but constr
Nuclear Panhandling North Korea And Iran Seek To Trade Threats Of Oblivion For Alms
Remember nuclear blackmail? Apparently, North Korea and Iran have refined the practice into outright panhandling. Let’s indulge, with a not entirely charitable examination, this new and nettlesome ve
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